I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
