Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
