I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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