okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
