Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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