last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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