Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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