it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
pray to the hookup gods
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
