I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
