In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
