i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
