it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
