yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
