"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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