Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
