You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
