shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
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Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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