Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
