I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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