I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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