i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
