They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
