i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
