Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
