Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
