i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
