I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if only i could text you this smell
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
