oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
