I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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