so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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