just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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