Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize