WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
