it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
