Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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