member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
