Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize