Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is this like a preordered booty call?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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