So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
