It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
