I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
