I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
