he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
