Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
