shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
