She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
