did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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