Nicole vs. Life
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
