it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
