you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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