My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
