3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
