I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
