i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
