Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you will always have a special place in my vag
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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