2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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