I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
