So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
