chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
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