Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
