Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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