I met the friendliest cop last night
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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