What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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