Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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