And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
