We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
