the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
