i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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