you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize