this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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