The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
